All them naked women

Readers have been complaining about the lack of nudity on my blog. "You don't even deserve to be on the internet," one blogger wrote to me. "All these nature shots and this earth mother peacefulness. Where's the sex and violence? WHERE ARE THE NUDE PHOTOS?"

She had a point. I've really let my standards slip.

But I figured I could get a nude shot during the long weekend with my friends. Our group nickname, Wild Women, came about when one of the husbands heard about us skinny dipping in the lake. Taking off our clothes for massages or sunbathing or swimming is practically a tradition. Well, at least for some of us.

So on Saturday, when the temperatures rose into the seventies, I decided to seize the opportunity. We were hiking through the woods, with a waterfall as our destination, and had stopped at the summit of the mountain to relax in the sun. Signing Woman was looking through her binoculars, Junk Food Woman was rummaging through the knapsack for a snack, and Quilt Artist was taking photos. Gorgeous Eyes, stretched out in the sun on a rock, said sleepily, "I have more clothes on than I'd like for sunbathing." I took that as a cue.

"It's time for the nude photo." I said. "I need one for my blog."

None of my friends are bloggers, and only a few have ever seen my blog. But obligingly, they began stripping off their clothes. Beautiful Hair, always the first to be naked, stood at the edge of the cliff with a walking stick in hand, striking a macho guy pose that contrasted with her full breasts and long hair. I took a wonderful photo of her, but I knew right away that it was not one she'd let me make public.

I figured the more naked bodies I could get into the shot, the better. I kept shouting directions as my naked friends cavorted about. Unfortunately, they were having too much fun joking around to pay any attention to the photographer. And admittedly, my directions were a bit confusing.

"You need to clump together somewhere so I can get you in one shot!"
"No! That looks posed."
"WHY ARE YOU ALL SITTING CLUMPED TOGETHER?"

No one understood the rule about hiding their faces. I think they thought "face" was my personal word for some other body part. "What? Doesn't this rock ledge hide my face?"

At least one woman pointed out that we were on a hiking trail used by all sorts of people, most of whom were coming to look at the foliage and might be a bit surprised to find a group of naked women just lolling about on the trail. I kept reassuring them that being naked was completely natural, and your average hiker would be just thrilled to come upon such a natural scene. I mean, Artist Friend, for instance. He hikes and backpacks with his brothers all the time, and I think he'd be just tickled to come across a whole gaggle of naked middle-aged women.

But my friends kept telling me to hurry up. So we didn't have time for any kind of artistic pose. I did manage to snap a bunch of funny shots, almost all of which were then prompted veto-ed by all who viewed them on my laptop when we got back to the cottage that night. It's amazing how picky people can be about photos of themselves. Especially when they don't have clothes on.

The next day, when we were down at the lake taking the traditional photo of us, the one that we put in a frame and have up in our kitchens or put on our desks, Junk Food Woman said, "Hey, this time we all get to wear our clothes, and jo(e) can be naked." I was fine with that. After all, none of them have blogs.