October 10, 2007

All them naked women

Undressing at the summit

Readers have been complaining about the lack of nudity on my blog. "You don't even deserve to be on the internet," one blogger wrote to me. "All these nature shots and this earth mother peacefulness. Where's the sex and violence? WHERE ARE THE NUDE PHOTOS?"

She had a point. I've really let my standards slip.

But I figured I could get a nude shot during the long weekend with my friends. Our group nickname, Wild Women, came about when one of the husbands heard about us skinny dipping in the lake. Taking off our clothes for massages or sunbathing or swimming is practically a tradition. Well, at least for some of us.

So on Saturday, when the temperatures rose into the seventies, I decided to seize the opportunity. We were hiking through the woods, with a waterfall as our destination, and had stopped at the summit of the mountain to relax in the sun. Signing Woman was looking through her binoculars, Junk Food Woman was rummaging through the knapsack for a snack, and Quilt Artist was taking photos. Gorgeous Eyes, stretched out in the sun on a rock, said sleepily, "I have more clothes on than I'd like for sunbathing." I took that as a cue.

"It's time for the nude photo." I said. "I need one for my blog."

None of my friends are bloggers, and only a few have ever seen my blog. But obligingly, they began stripping off their clothes. Beautiful Hair, always the first to be naked, stood at the edge of the cliff with a walking stick in hand, striking a macho guy pose that contrasted with her full breasts and long hair. I took a wonderful photo of her, but I knew right away that it was not one she'd let me make public.

I figured the more naked bodies I could get into the shot, the better. I kept shouting directions as my naked friends cavorted about. Unfortunately, they were having too much fun joking around to pay any attention to the photographer. And admittedly, my directions were a bit confusing.

"You need to clump together somewhere so I can get you in one shot!"
"No! That looks posed."
"WHY ARE YOU ALL SITTING CLUMPED TOGETHER?"

No one understood the rule about hiding their faces. I think they thought "face" was my personal word for some other body part. "What? Doesn't this rock ledge hide my face?"

At least one woman pointed out that we were on a hiking trail used by all sorts of people, most of whom were coming to look at the foliage and might be a bit surprised to find a group of naked women just lolling about on the trail. I kept reassuring them that being naked was completely natural, and your average hiker would be just thrilled to come upon such a natural scene. I mean, Artist Friend, for instance. He hikes and backpacks with his brothers all the time, and I think he'd be just tickled to come across a whole gaggle of naked middle-aged women.

But my friends kept telling me to hurry up. So we didn't have time for any kind of artistic pose. I did manage to snap a bunch of funny shots, almost all of which were then prompted veto-ed by all who viewed them on my laptop when we got back to the cottage that night. It's amazing how picky people can be about photos of themselves. Especially when they don't have clothes on.

The next day, when we were down at the lake taking the traditional photo of us, the one that we put in a frame and have up in our kitchens or put on our desks, Junk Food Woman said, "Hey, this time we all get to wear our clothes, and jo(e) can be naked." I was fine with that. After all, none of them have blogs.

Them Naked Women

34 comments:

Hel said...

You have inspired me to invite some friends over for tea. Who knows what blogging material I could end up with?

Sue said...

Such lovely pictures!!! I was becoming concerned that we might not see any nudity. Whew!

Linda said...

Finally! I was beginning to think you "wild" women were mellowing.

Kyla said...

LOL. You guys are great.

liz said...

What gorgeous photos!

Which one is Beautiful Hair? They all seem to have the great hair you demand of the people around you.

jo(e) said...

Ironically, Beautiful Hair's hair is not in the photo. Those are her legs.

Peter A. Stinson said...

Your post headline is going to ensure a spike in the number of visits...

Nice pics & story...

Pilgrim/Heretic said...

What gorgeous women!

If you're really getting back into the spirit of the blog, I'm hoping for more pirate-lingerie stories.

Artist Friend said...

If I were backpacking along with my idiot brothers--sometimes we don't see another human soul for days and days--and ran across this scene...Jeez, I can't even imagine it. Somebody would blow a fuse. Sounds like a nice, fun group of friends you've got there.
Once, we found this inviting waterfall far out in the middle of somewhere beautiful, dropped our packs and clothes and frolicked in a most picturesque manner--until this large, nosy bear ambled along and broke up the party. Never before in the history of the North American woods has there ever been a more splashing, urgent scurrying of hairy, bare asses. I think that bear must still be laughing!

Ampersand said...

What a gorgeous group of wild women and great group of friends.

kathy a. said...

artist friend, i'm certainly laughing!

jo(e), i'd be the one you have to bribe to take off my top. even to get a back shot, anonymously.

zhoen said...

You and Spencer Tunick I'd take my clothes off for photos.

Yankee T said...

excellent post and photos. You are a HOOT!
The closest I ever came to that was having a contest with my women friends to see who could take off her bra while still wearing a shirt the fastest. I won. I wonder what that says about me.

Patti said...

I hope you don't expect me to take my clothes off this Saturday, it's supposed to be cold and wet...

Cathy said...

Is this a sort of prerequisite for being a part of Wild Women?

Actually a hoot of a story - sending it to my "wild women" friends and double dog daring them.

Sarah Sometimes said...

these are beautiful pictures.

Mike said...

Oh gosh! Is this what you do on retreat? Can I come next time?

DaniGirl said...

Best! Post! Ever!

Jo(e), I love you and your naked friends.

Sylvia said...

Wonderful picture!

YourFireAnt said...

I'm there!

FA

kate5kiwis said...

i haven't been here for at least a month, but i *knew* i needed a jo(e) injection this morning.
you inspire me to b-r-e-a-t-h-e
X

jennifer said...

jo(e), you've inspired me to plan my own women-only weekend. I miss my girlfriends dreadfully. And I never do anything dreadfully (I hope). Thanks for this entry.

ccw said...

Absolutely wonderful!

Lilian said...

OK, so now you have kind of redeemed yourself a bit after the "lame excuses" for the absence of the traditionally required naked photo at the Green conference (I know it's not the right pseudonym, but you get it ;)...

No, seriously, these are AWESOME, and your post is positively hilarious, I was LOL at various points ;)

You know, I was just looking at your stat counter and thinking that you could make some serious money off your blog, but I know you don't want that, right? Oh well... ;)

BerryBird said...

Jo(e), I think you have magical powers! Or at least an uncanny knack for convincing people to be naked on the internet. Whatever it is, bravo!!

Picky Mick said...

I just got back from a camping/hiking weekend in the beautiful Loess Hills over the Missouri River. At one point as I stood alone on a grassy hill, washed in the crisp dry fall sun, I was tempted to nudity. When a flock of female friends are found naked in the woods, they compete with autumn itself for beauty. When a lone guy is seen photographing himself naked on a hiking trail, he gets a police record.

[sigh.]

Silver Creek Mom said...

WOw you gals are amazing. Very comfortabel with nudity. I am to a point but not that one. LOL! Maybe one day. Somethign to grow towards.

Hugs

angelfeet said...

Those lovely photos! I'm not sure I could get any of my friends to be so obliging for my blog, especially as the temperature is in the 50s over here.

Zeno said...

So here I am, minding my own business, checking out the latest results on Sitemeter (because PZ Myers linked to me this morning and created a minirush), when suddenly I noticed that someone was referred to me via a post titled "all them naked women."

I have to say, it's just a little different. Why would anyone come to Halfway There from such a post? My blog is pretty much 100% naked-free. Hmm.

Then I noticed that jo(e) has a link to me in her sidebar. Aha! Someone clicked on it after viewing the past on naked female hikers. Now I understand!

But I was a mite confused for a while. And just a bit giddy.

Amelie said...

Brilliant post, jo(e). I hope that someday I'll go away with my friends and we'll all be okay enough with our bodies for such fun pictures.

robert said...

Nice looking women.

Jake said...

Naked wonen is beautifull :)

Suresh Bajaj said...

The nature takes over the sexism of the nude females..maybe a little close up of the nude females would have helped share 50:50 the balance of nature and nudity

Anonymous said...

from the great adirondack mountains of NY, i love the idea of frolicking nude Eve-like sirens prancing through the mountains. i too sometimes practice naked hiking. wouldnt it be fun to run across each others trail? lol the thought of you gorgeous women baring it all to the sun raises my temperature, among other things ;-). love this blog now.