I don't think anyone was fooled into thinking I've had some kind of wild, exotic past. Oh, well. Maybe I'll have to start making stuff up. Everything in my last post was true, and here are the explanations for anyone who was wondering:
Gotten sawed into three pieces? I was working as a magician's assistant. It was a temp job, a favor for a friend, really - and the box was built to someone else's measurements, not mine - so actually I was lucky that one of the blades didn't accidentally saw off a breast.
Jumped off a high cliff? Rock climbing in high school. I love rock climbing. It's like flying.
The magazine that regularly features photos of naked women? Midwifery Today. Yeah, it's all about context. The naked women are always giving birth or breastfeeding.
Gone hiking with a monk? Two or three times every year, I go to a monastery for the weekend, and I've become friends with a monk there.
Lent clothes to a stripper? She was pregnant and scared and would call me for pregnancy advice. I lent her maternity clothes.
Had sex with a bank manager on his desk? Spouse used to manage a bank. The kids were home with a babysitter. The bank was closed.
Breastfed someone else's baby? Well, my sister and I had babies a couple weeks apart. I used to give babysitters bottles of breastmilk to feed my baby. Her baby wasn't used to this and wouldn't take a bottle the one time that I babysat him. So nursing the infant made more sense than letting him cry with hunger. Not a big deal.
Gone winter camping with my students? I have really cool students. The mountain climbing trip was their idea.
Put blindfolds on everyone at a conference presentation? I've done lots of crazy stuff like that. I was doing a presentation on creativity in the classroom. It was the FourSeas Conference (I'd like some applause from the rhetoric/comp crowd for that wonderfully clever pseudonym).
Shown nude photos of myself at an academic conference? I've actually done this at six or seven different conferences, some in my field and some not. I am naked in the photos but I am also nine months pregnant. Context is everything.