December 19, 2006

The very thought

It's just a small rectangle of cardboard, exactly the size of a credit card. It's bright pink, usually, or sometimes black, and big letters on it scream, "Free Panty!"

Because I have a credit card to a lingerie shop, I get these little cards in the mail all the time. I don't throw them away because I think to myself, "Well, if I happen to be near the lingerie shop sometime this week, I might as well stop and get a free pair of panties." I mean, who in their right mind would turn down a free pair of panties?

But I don't go to that shop very often any more because a certain blogger taught me how I could buy lingerie of all types online – the trick is to know your size, know which brands fit you best, and not be afraid to spend money on expensive stuff. So mostly the cards end up migrating to various spots in the house, turning up on the kitchen counter, under my desk, or on the living floor. My daughter treats the cards like any other kind of junk mail, either sweeping them into the garbage or checking the expiration dates to see if she can swipe a card and claim a free pair of panties for herself. My teenage sons, however, treat the cards the way any reasonable person might treat a venomous snake that has slithered into the room.

Shaggy Hair Boy will be cleaning the living room, gathering up juice glasses and crumpled school papers and miscellaneous sneakers, and suddenly, he will stop dead in his tracks, looking at the little pink card in horror and then turning to shield his eyes. "MOM!" he'll say to me in a tone that indicates that this is a matter of great urgency, "Could you take that out of here?"

Even logical, level-headed Boy in Black will not touch one of the cards. "We don't want to see that," he'll say and then suddenly become absorbed in his laptop computer, averting his eyes from those evil words.

It's not like I leave panties strewn about the living room – my lingerie is kept upstairs in my bedroom, unless it's hanging in the laundry room to dry. But apparently just seeing the word PANTY, or perhaps the very thought of their Mom buying lingerie, or worse yet, wearing it, is enough to send teenage boys into a paralysis of horror that can only be overcome by a few hours playing computer games.

12 comments:

YourFireAnt said...

Use the pink cards to guard stuff you don't want them to get into. Like cookies you've baked for a special occasion, the last piece of pie in the fridge. Or use them to save your place on the couch for the movie you're all going to watch, or in the car (the driver's seat, possibly?). Put them on the closed door of whatever room you don't want anyone to barge into without knocking. Or ... you know, any other place you don't wish marauding boy fingers to plunge into without thinking.

FA

Rana said...

Hee. I like the boy-warning suggestion.

But wasn't it one of your sons who wore a piece of red lingerie as a pirate sash? Wouldn't that be more embarassing than a pink "free panty" card?

;)

Yankee, Transferred said...

I love this! And I love YourFireAnt's suggestions. Definitely on the cookie jar.

Anonymous said...

*lol* I totally agree, this could be a great advantange...or at least a source of great teasing. My brother in law is 15, and he is terrified by tampons...so we are constantly harrassing him with them. At camp last year, I snuck one into his sleeping bag so when he rolled it out, it was waiting for him. It was quite the source of conversation on the boys side. *lol* Once we had a treasure hunt at their house, and they hid his prize in an empty tampon box. Various things like that...now it is this running joke that everyone really gets a kick out of.

I'd see this as an opportunity. :)

Anonymous said...

Hilarious!

You know, ever since they came out with their teen line I've stopped buying them. I hate walking through the mall seeing girls' butts emblazoned with the word "PINK" on them. It's like saying "this is all we're good for! We'll even put a sign here so you know!" Ug.

ccw said...

So funny!

I love YourFireAnt's suggestion. Maybe I should start saving my "free panty" cards for such purposes since I never make it to the store to get the free panty.

PPB said...

Wouldyour sons prefer to think that you don't wear panties at all? To me, that is far more scandalous.

halloweenlover said...

I think PPB is right. Next time ask them that, and I bet the look of horror in response to that will be stunning.

cheesehead said...

Hee, hee!

joy said...

Very funny. Next time it happens ask if they'd like to make a run to the mall....

Anonymous said...

That is hilarious, you should stick them in their wallets or pockets so they will unexpectly pull them out at the wrong time and get all embarassed. That would be fun to watch ;).

Mary Stebbins Taitt said...

LOL!

This is very funny

Definitely put the panty cards around the hidden gifts, LOL! ROTFLOL!